You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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