im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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