took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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