using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
