My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hippo gnu deer
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
