Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
