look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
