i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
