I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
