Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
