Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
