her vagine was all disorganized.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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