Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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