omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
