I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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