genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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