we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
how drunk are you?
Several
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
