i don't like sucking hair
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I could make wine with my vomit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize