im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
