:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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