He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so much tequila, so little girl.
try to milk me bitch
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