I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
