zippers are such a cool invention
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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