I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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