it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
