When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize