i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
