i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
