Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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