so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
