That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
