I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
