I hate your face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just pee around me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
