it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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