A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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