The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
