you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
