you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to jail i love you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
