She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
