Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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