Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
