You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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