I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
