i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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