he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize