take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
