I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
