Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
