just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
