Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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