"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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