Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
