So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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