So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
