so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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