I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
