Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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