I wish you could order shots online.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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