I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
