My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize