Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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