I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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