pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
