Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize