Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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