dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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