If that was your dad, he is hot
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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